


#immortals

by Ricky B (littletoes101)



Category: Baccano!
Genre: Multi, texting au, the great texting au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littletoes101/pseuds/Ricky%20B
Summary: Thing 1 has added Thing 2, Sound of Silence, Bergameister, ReadingPoe, YoungestCamorrista, Just Ennis to the group.Thing 1 has renamed this conversation to “#immortals”





	1. the beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [SkateSquad™ groupchat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8691349) by [stxmph](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stxmph/pseuds/stxmph). 



> welcome to hell!
> 
> yeah this is the baccano! texting AU that no one asked for. here are some screen names to keep everyone in check:  
> Thing 1: Isaac  
> Thing 2: Miria  
> Sound of Silence: Keith  
> Bergameister: Berga  
> ReadingPoe: Luck  
> YoungestCamorrista: Firo  
> Just Ennis: Ennis  
> TheBookkeeper: Maiza  
> WellNoMatter: Ronnie

**Thing 1** has added **Thing 2, Sound of Silence, Bergameister, ReadingPoe, YoungestCamorrista, Just Ennis** to the group.

**Thing 1** has renamed this conversation to “#immortals”

YoungestCamorrista: something new?

Bergameister: ???? what is this

Just Ennis: It looks like a group chat.

Thing 1: That’s exactly what it is!

Bergameister: obvisouly its a group chat

Bergameister: *obviously

Bergameister: but what is the purpose

Thing 2: For us to chat! Isaac thought it would be a good idea, and I thought so too!

ReadingPoe: Sorry I was reading something. What is this?

Thing 1: A group chat for all of the immortals! Well, some of them, anyway.

YoungestCamorrista: i was gonna say

YoungestCamorrista: theres not too many of us in here

Sound of Silence: …

**Sound of Silence** added **TheBookkeeper, WellNoMatter** to the group.

Sound of Silence: Have fun.

YoungestCamorrista: NO

Just Ennis: I think Firo just choked. Are you okay?

YoungestCamorrista: i repeat, NO

Bergameister: hey look its firo’s dads

TheBookkeeper: I’m not sure he likes us having that title

Thing 2: Should we introduce ourselves???

ReadingPoe: We all know each other.

ReadingPoe: Also Firo, your typing skills have gotten worse since the last time we talked. You stopped capitalizing your “I”s.

YoungestCamorrista: fuck u i type how i want

Bergameister: #edgyteen

YoungestCamorrista: im not a teen fuck u too berga

Just Ennis: Firo, be nice

WellNoMatter: Yes Firo, be nice. That’s an order from your father

YoungestCamorrista: Ronnie i stg u r not my dad

YoungestCamorrista: ill listen to ennis but not to Ronnie

TheBookkeeper: It’s okay Firo, we still love you

YoungestCamorrista: ffs

Bergameister: what a beautiful family

YoungestCamorrista: ok technically we r family but

TheBookkeeper: So that means we’re your fathers

YoungestCamorrista: gdi maiza no i wasnt gonna say that

Just Ennis: I think you two would be great dads, Firo just doesn’t want to admit it.

YoungestCamorrista: why do you all hate me

TheBookkeeper: Thank you, Ennis!

WellNoMatter: So kind of you.

WellNoMatter: If only our son could be more like you.

YoungestCamorrista: rude

YoungestCamorrista: i guess this is my life now

Thing 1: Wait, Ronnie and Maiza are a couple?

ReadingPoe: Yes.

Bergameister: yea

Just Ennis: Yep!

WellNoMatter: Where have you been that you didn’t know that?

ReadingPoe: Well, you two aren’t exactly open about it.

YoungestCamorrista: dont encourage them to be more gay

Thing 2: What’s wrong with being happy? :)

YoungestCamorrista: oh you know what i meant. gay, as in homosexual, as in what they are

Thing 2: Oh. Well, they can be gay if they want to, right?

YoungestCamorrista: yes but they cant be like super gay

TheBookkeeper: Just because of that, we’re going to kiss in public now

WellNoMatter: Are you being petty?

TheBookkeeper: Yes I am, but only to spite our son

YoungestCamorrista: STOP CALLING ME UR SON

ReadingPoe: I have a feeling this is going to be a very eventful chat.


	2. in which people get added

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lots of people get added lmao okay also a bit of explanation about the kalia thing: kalia is a witch, an animagus and her animal form is a dragon so there's that, it's another one of my strange headcanons  
> new screennames:  
> BlackHairedBeauty: Kalia  
> PianoPlayer: Kate  
> WorldisMine: Claire  
> Wordless: Chane  
> BombFreak: Nice  
> brbcrying: Jacuzzi  
> LovelyEvening: Eve

Bergameister: Kalia is mad at me

YoungestCamorrista: water is wet

YoungestCamorrista: the sun rose today

YoungestCamorrista: what other facts r u gonna share with us

Bergameister: ha ha i’m laughing so hard rn

Bergameister: actually i’m not but anyway she’s mad cause i didn’t tell her about the group chat and now she wants in

Just Ennis: I’m sure it would be fine to add her.

Bergameister: i’m not sure i want to, that would give her yet another platform for her to yell at me on

ReadingPoe: How did she find out if you didn’t tell her?

Bergameister: she grabbed my phone

Bergameister: plus she’s like partially psychic or something i swear, she knows these things

ReadingPoe: Well go ahead and add her, if you don’t none of us will hear the end of it.

Bergameister: ugh i hate making decisions

**Bergameister** has added **BlackHairedBeauty** to the group.

BlackHairedBeauty: YOOO

BlackHairedBeauty: -hacker voice- i’m in

Bergameister: i just heard you say that out loud you’re such a nerd

BlackHairedBeauty: how dare you

ReadingPoe: Hello, Kalia

BlackHairedBeauty: hi luck

BlackHairedBeauty: who else is here?

ReadingPoe: Check the participants list, it’s right at the top of the chat.

BlackHairedBeauty: right right

Just Ennis: Hi Kalia! How have you been?

BlackHairedBeauty: so formal

BlackHairedBeauty: i’m fine but i barely slept last night bc someone’s phone kept going off

Bergameister: it’s not my fault these guys talk a lot why do you always blame me for everything

BlackHairedBeauty: i see keith here but no kate??? where tf is my little sister

Sound of Silence: She didn’t ask to be added.

YoungestCamorrista: whoa he typed

ReadingPoe: Yes, he does that sometimes.

BlackHairedBeauty: well what’re you waiting for???? add her ass!!!!

ReadingPoe: I’m not sure this chat would be Kate’s speed.

Bergameister: kate doesn’t deserve to suffer like this she’s a good woman

BlackHairedBeauty: she’ll be fine she’s a big girl

BlackHairedBeauty: add her!!! this chat needs more women

**Sound of Silence** has added **PianoPlayer** to the group.

TheBookkeeper: Good morning everyone – oh, I see we have new people?

BlackHairedBeauty: u know us

BlackHairedBeauty: hi kate!!!

PianoPlayer: Oh, hello everyone! Keith did you add me?

Sound of Silence: Yes.

PianoPlayer: This seems like fun, how is everyone?

Bergameister: feeling sorry for you, this chat is full of weirdos

YoungestCamorrista: ur one to talk buddy u married a literal dragon???

BlackHairedBeauty: i’m only a dragon sometimes. being a witch is fun

Just Ennis: Dragons are interesting

BlackHairedBeauty: thank u ennis u r a true pal

Bergameister: dragons burned my crops

BlackHairedBeauty: that was one time don’t hold it against me

PianoPlayer: No need to feel sorry for me, I’m having a good time watching you talk. I think I even heard Keith snicker.

YoungestCamorrista: keith expresses human emotion???

ReadingPoe: Only sometimes.

Thing 2: I just had an amazing thought! Well Isaac did but he’s in the bathroom so I’m saying it instead.

Thing 2: We should add Eve! And Jacuzzi and Nice!

ReadingPoe: That reminds me, we’ve forgotten someone.

YoungestCamorrista: who??? are jacuzzi and nice?????

Thing 2: Friends of mine and Isaac’s! And who did we forget Luck?

ReadingPoe: Claire. Or Felix. Whatever he’s going by these days.

YoungestCamorrista: oh god please dont add claire we have suffered enough

ReadingPoe: You know if he finds out about this and we didn’t tell him we’ll be in for a world of hurt anyway, right?

YoungestCamorrista: dont tell him then he doesnt have to know

ReadingPoe: You know how he is, he’s going to find out anyway. He probably already knows…

Thing 1: Felix is a fun guy, add him!

YoungestCamorrista: why do u all hate me

Thing 2: I’ll add the others!

**ReadingPoe** added **WorldisMine** to the group.

**Thing 2** added **LovelyEvening, BombFreak, brbcrying** to the group.

LovelyEvening: Oh my, there’s a lot of people here…

BombFreak: ‘sup bitches

brbcrying: nice why

brbcrying: what is this??? i’m a little worried

Thing 2: It’s a group chat! Me and Isaac started it!

LovelyEvening: Isaac and I, Miria.

YoungestCamorrista: he hasnt even said anything yet maybe we’re free

WorldisMine: :)

YoungestCamorrista: fuck

WorldisMine: So this is the group chat, huh? Looks like fun!

WorldisMine: Hold on I’m adding Chane

Bergameister: i regret my decision there’s too many people here

BlackHairedBeauty: the more the merrier

**WorldisMine** has added **Wordless** to the group.

Wordless: …

ReadingPoe: Welcome to hell.

ReadingPoe: I’m blaming Berga for this.

YoungestCamorrista: me 2

Bergameister: thanks guys youre such good friends /s

Wordless: What is this? I’m still trying to work this new phone Claire got me.

WorldisMine: It’s Felix, and it’s a group chat apparently.

YoungestCamorrista: shes never gonna call u that

WorldisMine: I know, I just like saying my own name. Felix. It’s so fun.

Just Ennis: It always makes me think of Felix the cat

WorldisMine: OMG me too!!!!

BlackHairedBeauty: im surrounded by nerds lmao

PianoPlayer: Watch what you say Kali, remember when Star Wars came out? You were all over that.

BlackHairedBeauty: idk what ur talking about

BlackHairedBeauty: anyway new people introduce yourselves

LovelyEvening: Oh! I think you already know me but I’m Eve Genoard, it’s very nice to meet you all.

brbcrying: ok i think im done having a panic attack now

brbcrying: im jacuzzi splot

BombFreak: and I’m his wife, Nice Holystone

ReadingPoe: Who do you work for?

brbcrying: oh we live with the genoards,,, yeah

brbcrying: who are you?

ReadingPoe: Luck Gandor.

LovelyEvening: Mr. Gandor, it’s very nice to see you again.

LovelyEvening: Or, well, speak to you. Since we aren’t exactly looking at each other.

ReadingPoe: You too.

Bergameister: wait arent you the one with the pos brother

LovelyEvening: I wouldn’t describe him that way but yes I do have a brother, Dallas

brbcrying: oh yeah dallas he’s not so bad now, i think eve finally got through to him

YoungestCamorrista: i’ll believe it when i see it lmao

YoungestCamorrista: and i dont really feel like seein it

LovelyEvening: He’ll probably ask about this, knowing him…

Thing 2: Well, it has been a long time

Thing 1: A very long time!

Thing 1: 86 years according to my calculator!

YoungestCamorrista: omg u had to use a calc

Bergameister: like you don’t use one

YoungestCamorrista: i just use my fingers like a civilized person

Just Ennis: I wonder if Czeslaw would like to join…

YoungestCamorrista: no spare him please hes not ready

TheBookkeeper: I feel like this would be a bit too much for Czes.

Bergameister: this is a bit too much for everyone honestly

Bergameister: anyway i gotta go kali wants grilled cheese and shes not allowed to use the stove so i have to make it

Just Ennis: Have fun!

ReadingPoe: Goodbye.

LovelyEvening: Bye!

brbcrying: nice to meet you!!!

BombFreak: adios

WellNoMatter: Sorry Maiza and I were making out, what did I miss?

YoungestCamorrista: RONNIE


	3. in which the chat gets gayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> say hello to my fucking son  
> there's only one new screenname so  
> gay cat man: dallas

LovelyEvening: Well, I was right

brbcrying: ??? you okay eve?

LovelyEvening: Oh I’m fine! It’s just that my phone kept going off last night and Dallas wanted to know what it was.

BombFreak: did u tell him

LovelyEvening: Of course I did, we don’t keep secrets from each other anymore.

brbcrying: let me guess, he wants in?

LovelyEvening: Yes

YoungestCamorrista: no

YoungestCamorrista: we have suffered enough

BlackHairedBeauty: who even is dallas???

YoungestCamorrista: ask berga he knows everything and i dont feel like typing it all out rn

Just Ennis: Well, it has been 86 years…

YoungestCamorrista: wtf ennis i thought u were still asleep

Just Ennis: I was, I just woke up. The noises from the group chat woke me up.

YoungestCamorrista: oops

LovelyEvening: I know my brother has done some bad things but he’s really changed, I’m not sure how or why but I thank God that it happened.

BombFreak: yeah he even has a job now

YoungestCamorrista: wtf

YoungestCamorrista: when did that happen

BombFreak: like ten years ago, i’d tell you what it is but it’s kind of weird

LovelyEvening: I’ll just have him say.

**LovelyEvening** has added **gay cat man** to the group.

gay cat man: wtf is this

gay cat man: OH

gay cat man: this is that group chat thing eve told me about thanks lil sis <3

LovelyEvening: You’re welcome

YoungestCamorrista: fuck no not again

Just Ennis: I think Firo just screamed a little.

BlackHairedBeauty: ok berga just gave me the low down and o shit he’s here hello

PianoPlayer: Interesting screen name

gay cat man: it describes me

gay cat man: anyway im dallas genoard and im gay

LovelyEvening: Dallas!

gay cat man: what its true

BlackHairedBeauty: i feel u there as i too am gay

YoungestCamorrista: ????? ur married to a man????

BlackHairedBeauty: im bisexual where have u been

YoungestCamorrista: am i just

YoungestCamorrista: surrounded by gays???

WellNoMatter: Yes

BlackHairedBeauty: yep

PianoPlayer: Most likely

Just Ennis: Probably

YoungestCamorrista: ennis not you too

Just Ennis: I’m not really sure what I am

Bergameister: so this is what i wake up to

Bergameister: how did this convo get started

YoungestCamorrista: scroll up

Bergameister: …fuck

gay cat man: hello

Bergameister: do not speak to me

BlackHairedBeauty: don’t mind him he likes to hold grudges

Bergameister: he killed people

BlackHairedBeauty: i’ve done that too and i also set u on fire the first time we met

Bergameister: this is true

gay cat man: whoa wait you did what now

BlackHairedBeauty: it’s a long story

gay cat man: i got time

BlackHairedBeauty: i’ll dm u lol

Bergameister: don’t make friends with him you traitor

PianoPlayer: I think you two have been together long enough to know that she’s just going to do what she’s going to do.

brbcrying: dallas tell them about your job!!!

gay cat man: what job

gay cat man: OH RIGHT YEAH the cats

YoungestCamorrista: cats??? what

gay cat man: theres a reason why my screenname is “gay cat man”

gay cat man: i have cats. big ones

gay cat man: i run a rescue for big cats out in the ““country””

Just Ennis: Really?

gay cat man: yea i have like twenty cats out there its great

gay cat man: i have one that lives with me shes a cougar and her name is stellaluna but i call her stella

YoungestCamorrista: who owns a cougar???? why????

gay cat man: i found her when she was a beebee, her mom was shot by poachers so i grabbed her

gay cat man: shes my bae

gay cat man: [stella.png](http://www.wormsandgermsblog.com/files/2012/08/Cougar-Mountain-Zoo1.jpg)

Just Ennis: She’s gorgeous!

gay cat man: thank u i love her

YoungestCamorrista: i cant believe this honestly why has god forsaken me

LovelyEvening: God forsakes no one

YoungestCamorrista: thanks but im an exception apparently

Bergameister: #edgyteen

YoungestCamorrista: IM NOT A TEEN

gay cat man: glad to see nothing’s changed lmao

YoungestCamorrista: honestly i prefer maiza and Ronnie calling themselves my dads to this

TheBookkeeper: So you officially recognize yourself as our son then? Great!

YoungestCamorrista: i hate this fucking family

gay cat man: lmao

BombFreak: i have a feeling this is going to be very eventful


	4. in which eve talks about sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> precious innocent baby eve  
> and yes eve is of Legal Age here she took the elixir when she was 20  
> and i should mention everyone is #immortal in this so yeah its an au  
> also the events of 2002 havent happened yet as claire and chane have yet to have children

**LovelyEvening** has added **BombFreak, brbcrying, gay cat man** to the group.

**LovelyEvening** has renamed this conversation “Support”

LovelyEvening: So this is how you do this, okay

brbcrying: ???? you ok eve

gay cat man: what is this

gay cat man: oh its eve hi eve

LovelyEvening: I’m fine, and hello Dallas, I could hear you yelling from your room by the way.

gay cat man: whoops

BombFreak: why are we here

LovelyEvening: Well, I have a problem. I need some advice but I didn’t want to ask the whole chat so I made a little group for us.

gay cat man: ok who do i need to fight

LovelyEvening: No one! I promise. Please don’t fight anyone.

gay cat man: ok fine no fighting

brbcrying: what is it you need???? we are here for you!

LovelyEvening: Okay, well, let’s say, hypothetically, I had a girlfriend

BombFreak: ooooo

gay cat man: like

gay cat man: a friend who is a girl, or a girlfriend with whom you are dating

LovelyEvening: We’re dating

BombFreak: thats gay

gay cat man: ur gay

BombFreak: true

LovelyEvening: Well, I’m just a bit afraid that she wants something from me I can’t really give her.

brbcrying: what does she want???

LovelyEvening: Um…

LovelyEvening: Sex?

brbcrying: oh

BombFreak: oh

gay cat man: oh

gay cat man: did she try to hurt you??? i will Destroy

LovelyEvening: Oh no, she’s been very kind to me, in fact she hasn’t even said anything about sex. She asked me when we first started dating and I told her I was waiting for marriage, and that was the end of it.

BombFreak: so what’s the issue

LovelyEvening: I think she might want it but she’s not telling me. And I’m afraid I have to have sex with her to keep her.

gay cat man: oh honey no

gay cat man: if she ever says that leave her ass

LovelyEvening: She hasn’t said that! I just wanted to know what to do.

brbcrying: eve you never have to have sex with anyone!!! you have the right to decide when you do and when you dont <3

BombFreak: jac’s right, and you should probably talk to your gf and see if you can work it out. im sure she loves you she might just be a little stifled

gay cat man: and if she tries to make u do anything u tell me and i will Kill

LovelyEvening: Dallas!

gay cat man: just sayin

LovelyEvening: Well, thank you all for the advice. I’ll use this chat if I ever need help or support again.

brbcrying: no problem!!!

BombFreak: stay safe <3


	5. in which dallas gets a lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> o shit boi waddup

_conversation: #immortals)_

ReadingPoe: This is going to sound odd but, is Dallas here?

gay cat man: yea

gay cat man: what you want gandor

ReadingPoe: As much as I hate to say this, I need your help.

ReadingPoe: I’ll need to direct message you.

gay cat man: now u wanna slide in my dms i see how it is

_direct message: gay cat man and ReadingPoe)_

ReadingPoe: Alright, listen.

gay cat man: yea

ReadingPoe: My men found something this morning and it deals with you.

gay cat man: well goddamn spit it out already

ReadingPoe: We went to a house we suspected of dealing drugs on our territory and we found a lion.

gay cat man: like

gay cat man: an African one???

ReadingPoe: Yes. He was tied up in the backyard and he wasn’t very healthy. He’s malnourished and probably dehydrated and I think he has an infection. He’s too weak to move.

gay cat man: dont tell me you left him there

ReadingPoe: I did not. He’s currently in my living room.

gay cat man: oh shit

gay cat man: can you bring him here or you want me to come there

ReadingPoe: I don’t think it would be a good idea to move him, so you can come here. Give me your phone number and I’ll text you the address. I don’t like sharing things over Skype.

gay cat man: right i’m omw

_conversation: #immortals)_

LovelyEvening: Has anyone seen Dallas? He was gone when I woke up this morning and I’m worried he’s gotten into trouble again…

WorldisMine: Scroll up

LovelyEvening: Oh! Oh dear, I wonder what Mr. Gandor had to say?

brbcrying: i see a car coming up the driveway

BombFreak: are they in the car together wtf dont they hate each other

YoungestCamorrista: whats going on

brbcrying: ??? what are they carrying

brbcrying: also scroll up

WorldisMine: Dang, beat me to it.

YoungestCamorrista: wait are luck and dallas in the same vicinity of each other???

brbcrying: whatever they’re carrying they just brought it through the door

brbcrying: nice can you see what it is?

BombFreak: yea lemme put on a shirt so my titties ain’t out

YoungestCamorrista: this must be it, the end of the world

JustEnnis: Don’t freak out just yet, Firo, I can hear you pacing.

YoungestCamorrista: sorry

BombFreak: OH MY GOD

BombFreak: Jacuzzi whatever you do, do NOT GO DOWNSTAIRS

brbcrying: ???? why????? nice what happened

BombFreak: there is a fuckign lion downstairs im freaking out

brbcrying: WHAT

LovelyEvening: What?

YoungestCamorrista: WHAT

Bergameister: ok so i just woke up, kalia told me to get in chat and this shitshow is happening

Bergameister: please tell me he got thrown back into the river

BombFreak: HE BROUGHT HOME A LION

brbcrying: ok im sure theres a reasonable explanation for this

WorldisMine: I’ve got some of the deets if anyone’s interested.

YoungestCamorrista: spill

WorldisMine: so basically there was apparently a raid on a house in the Gandor territory and that’s where they found him but I don’t really know anything else

YoungestCamorrista: i thought u knew everything

WorldisMine: Maybe I do, maybe I don’t, guess we’ll never know

YoungestCamorrista: i hate u

Just Ennis: So what’s going on?

brbcrying: i have no clue nice where are you

BombFreak: hiding in the kitchen, they’re talking about something

BombFreak: i think theyre figuring out what to do with the cat???

BombFreak: dallas said something about an IV

BombFreak: he joked about joint custody and i think i heard luck choke

brbcrying: omg

LovelyEvening: I went downstairs and they’re setting up an IV for the lion, he’s apparently dehydrated.

LovelyEvening: Dallas is calling our vet to come and check him out but I think for now we’re going to be keeping him in the house.

YoungestCamorrista: i cant believe this is happening

Just Ennis: So Luck brought the cat over?

LovelyEvening: Yes, Dallas apparently went over to his apartment to see the cat first and then they brought him over.

LovelyEvening: He’s suffering from a very bad infection in his front leg and they’re not sure if he’ll even make it through the night… he won’t eat…

brbcrying: oh man

BombFreak: oh shit

**BombFreak** has renamed the conversation “#prayforthelion”


	6. in which the lion has a name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the lion has a name now!!! huzzah

BlackHairedBeauty: wow we missed a lot

PianoPlayer: Apparently. Keith didn’t tell me anything about a lion so Luck must have kept it to himself.

Bergameister: i didn’t even know about it wtf i mean i knew about the raid but not about the fucking lion

YoungestCamorrista: i dont think anyone knew about the lion

ReadingPoe: I was going to tell you eventually but I didn’t think you’d find out like this.

Bergameister: why tf did you go to genoard

ReadingPoe: Because he has a big cat rescue and I didn’t know who else to contact. I couldn’t exactly call animal control.

Bergameister: ok thats kind of understandable. keith what do you think

Sound of Silence: He did the right thing.

Sound of Silence: We can’t afford to take care of a lion right now and he lives in an apartment.

ReadingPoe: Thank you, Keith.

YoungestCamorrista: i think thats the most words keith has ever said ever

ReadingPoe: No, he’s said more.

PianoPlayer: He said a whole lot when he proposed to me, it was very sweet

BlackHairedBeauty: berga was just like “hey wanna get married” and i was like “yea” and that’s the story of how we got married

Bergameister: she’s right that’s almost exactly how it went word for word

YoungestCamorrista: idk whether to laugh or cry

Bergameister: considering it took you like 50 years to even hold hands i dont think you have a right to do anything

YoungestCamorrista: fuck u

Just Ennis: Hey, has anyone heard from Isaac and Miria? I haven’t seen them in the chat in days. I think they’d really like the lion story.

Thing 1: Lion story?

Just Ennis: Oh there you are! Yeah, scroll up.

Wordless: Claire has been yelling about the lion all day. I was reading the chat so I know what happened but he won’t stop pestering me about it.

Wordless: Apparently he wants to go see it.

ReadingPoe: Dallas said no visitors when we took the cat over, as he’s very sick.

Thing 2: OMG I just read up and read about the lion!!! Isaac we have to go see him!!!

ReadingPoe: No visitors

Thing 1: You’re right, Miria! We have to leave right away!

ReadingPoe: I’m getting the feeling that I’m getting ignored.

LovelyEvening: Hello everyone, there’s good news! The lion is still alive, he made it through the night.

Just Ennis: Oh, that is good news!

LovelyEvening: The vet confirmed he does have a very bad infection, his right front paw is almost completely rotted off. We think we might have to amputate it if he can just hold on long enough.

YoungestCamorrista: damn

Bergameister: what are you even doing with him??? like where do you put a cat that big

LovelyEvening: Dallas has turned his bedroom into an ICU and is taking care of him.

Bergameister: of course he is. pics or it didnt happen

LovelyEvening: dallas_room.png

Bergameister: oh shit

ReadingPoe: Wow.

gay cat man: anyone wanna tell me why there are two people yelling at my door about seeing the lion when i CLEARLY said no visitors

Just Ennis: Oh, that would be Isaac and Miria. They make their own rules.

gay cat man: wtf

brbcrying: oh yeah let them in!! they’re friends

gay cat man: they cant see the cat hes still unstable

BombFreak: if u don’t let them in they will climb in through the window

LovelyEvening: They’ve done that to me on more than one occasion.

gay cat man: ugh fine whatever

gay cat man: we still need a name for the cat btw we cant keep calling him lion

Just Ennis: How about Leo?

gay cat man: no thats cliché

YoungestCamorrista: ur a cliché

gay cat man: fuck you

BombFreak: maybe luck should name him, he’s the one who rescued him

ReadingPoe: All I can think of is Rocky.

gay cat man: like the boxer??? maybe thats a good idea

BombFreak: yea!!!! rocky balboa

gay cat man: well thats not horribly cliché so

gay cat man: rocky it is

**BombFreak** has renamed the conversation “#prayforRocky”

BombFreak: send a <3 for support

BombFreak: <3

brbcrying: <3

LovelyEvening: <3

YoungestCamorrista: no

ReadingPoe: <3 if I can do it you can do it Firo

YoungestCamorrista: fine <3

Just Ennis: <3

Bergameister: <3 i guess

BlackHairedBeauty: <3 get better rocky!!!!

PianoPlayer: <3

BlackHairedBeauty: so much love for rocky

gay cat man: i’ll keep u updated i gotta go back and see if i can get him to eat

LovelyEvening: Good luck!


	7. in which firo talks in his sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are happening!!!

gay cat man: tbh idris elba could get it

gay cat man: if he appeared in my living room right now and aksed me to have sex with him i would say yes

gay cat man: hes so good

ReadingPoe: Did you intend to send this to the whole chat?

gay cat man: yes do not question my intentions

ReadingPoe: Alright then.

gay cat man: anyway why r u still awake its like 2 am

ReadingPoe: I could ask you the same question.

ReadingPoe: I don’t sleep much.

gay cat man: im up cause the cat needs constant attention

gay cat man: oh and i should tell you

gay cat man: thanks for saving him. i wouldnt expect a guy like u to care about animals so much

ReadingPoe: What is that supposed to mean?

gay cat man: i mean. ur a mobster right????

ReadingPoe: Yes. And you were a two-bit thug once.

gay cat man: fuck u

ReadingPoe: I said once. I recognize you’ve changed.

gay cat man: ok

gay cat man: hold on he’s moving around i’ll be back

ReadingPoe: Alright.

-

BlackHairedBeauty: wowza luck and dallas got #deep last night

Bergameister: why r u up at 5 am

BlackHairedBeauty: idk man this body does what it do

Bergameister: ok then

BlackHairedBeauty: why are you up

Bergameister: work

BlackHairedBeauty: true

BlackHairedBeauty: anyone else up?

Just Ennis: I’m here. Firo talks in his sleep and woke me up.

Bergameister: omg firo talks in his sleep???

Just Ennis: Yes. He just sat straight up, yelled my name, and said “Get the eggs” and then went back to sleep.

BlackHairedBeauty: im screaming rn

Bergameister: im screenshotting this so he can never deny it

Bergameister: thank you for this valuable information

Just Ennis: No problem.

-

YoungestCamorrista: fucking

YoungestCamorrista: why does everyone close to me betray me

Just Ennis: Sorry Firo

YoungestCamorrista: ur fine its not even that bad

Bergameister: why were you even talkin about eggs

YoungestCamorrista: idk why i was thinkin about eggs even we have eggs in the fridge we dont need any more

gay cat man: whatd i miss

gay cat man: omg firo talks in his sleep

YoungestCamorrista: fuck off

gay cat man: well damn

gay cat man: i was just comin in with an update, rocky isnt doing so well. ive got him on an IV so he wont be dehydrated but he wont eat anything

gay cat man: i tried putting some meat in the blender and giving it to him that way but he wont take it

BombFreak: oh so thats what that noise was

BlackHairedBeauty: #dedicated

gay cat man: honestly idk if hes gonna make it at this point, if he doesnt eat idk what to do

gay cat man: the vet said we should just put him down but i think he can make it if he just eats

BombFreak: maybe luck should try to feed him???

BombFreak: i mean it was luck who found him after all, maybe he just trusts luck more

gay cat man: idk if i want a gandor in my house again but if itll save rocky im up for it

ReadingPoe: I’m not sure if I’m qualified to do that.

gay cat man: its not hard you just spoon feed him

ReadingPoe: He’s a lion.

gay cat man: yeah and???

ReadingPoe: Well, if you think it will save him, I’m willing to try.

BlackHairedBeauty: <3 <3 so sweet so pure


	8. in which Berga goes to the doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short, sweet, and simple. berga goes to the doctor to get his eyes mcfucking checked

LovelyEvening: Why is there a Gandor in my house? Again?  
Bergameister: damn eve didn't know u had a problem with gandors  
LovelyEvening: It's not that, it's just that I didn't think we were on friendly terms. I'm just a bit curious as to why Luck Gandor is in my house right now.  
WorldisMine: Scroll up my dudes/dudettes  
LovelyEvening: Oh! I see, he's feeding the cat. Alright, that's fine then.  
WellNoMatter: You have every right to be protective of your home, Eve. Maiza and I have had the Gandors and company over to our house before and... well, it had mixed results.  
TheBookkeeper: Mixed? Berga destroyed a vase that was nearing its three-hundredth birthday.  
Bergameister: why u gotta be so rude  
Bergameister: i aplogized for that tho  
Bergameister: *apologized  
LovelyEvening: Berga, I noticed you tend to make a lot of those typoes. The ones where you mix up letters.  
Bergameister: did dallas rub off on u or something and u suddenly became an asshole  
LovelyEvening: No, I'm going somewhere with this, I promise. Have you ever been tested for dyslexia?  
Bergameister: dyswhonow  
BombFreak: dyslexia? i dont even know her lmfao  
LovelyEvening: It's a condition that affects the way you read and write. Letters will appear backwards or different, and sometimes you'll mix up words or even sentences.  
Bergameister: well no but that sounds like me  
Bergameister: like. b's and d's look a helluva lot similar if u ask me  
Bergameister: i gotta type like. super slow or else i fuck up a lot  
LovelyEvening: You might want to get checked! It could really help you out.  
Bergameister: yeah but if i gotta wear some dumbass glasses firo'll neve let me hear the end of it  
YoungestCamorrista: im waiting berga :)  
Bergameister: fuck u

\---

Bergameister: well i went to the fuckin eye doctor and guess what? i have dyslexia  
brbcrying: wow eve! did you hear that? you should be like, a nurse or a doctor or something!  
LovelyEvening: Oh no, it was just an educated guess! But I'm glad you could get it figured out, Berga.  
Bergameister: yea kalias ordering me some big print books and special dyslexic stuff or w/e  
Bergameister: thanks. tbh i never would've figured it out  
LovelyEvening: You're welcome!  
WorldisMine: Hey guys wanna hear a fun fact about Berga?  
Bergameister: CLAIRE  
WorldisMine: First of all, it's Felix  
WorldisMine: Second, he's terrified of needles  
WorldisMine: One time I convinced him that every time you got a shot you had to take it in the ass and he cried for days  
Bergameister: i hate u  
WorldisMine: Love you too big bro <3


	9. in which the gays overthrow the government

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dallas is fucking trans  
> so are claire, chane, nice, and jacuzzi fight me
> 
> and lua too

**gay cat man** has added **LovelyEvening, BlackHairedBeauty, WorldisMine, Wordless, WellNoMatter, TheBookkeeper, Thing 1, Thing 2, BombFreak,** and **brbcrying** to the group

**gay cat man** has renamed the group **“gay comrades”**

gay cat man: ok i think this is everyone

gay cat man: at least everyone who said they wanted in

Wordless: Remind me what this is again?

gay cat man: just a Chill Chat TM for all us gays and trans folks

Wordless: Oh, right. Well, I suppose I may type more often in here.

WorldisMine: Chane, darling, that would literally be the most wonderful thing in the world if you did that

gay cat man: yall are so sappy omg

brbcrying: in their defense it’s usually felix who’s the sappiest. (please don’t hurt me)

WorldisMine: nah I ain’t gonna hurt ya

WorldisMine: we’re forgetting someone tho! I know exactly who to invite

gay cat man: sure as long as it’s not like fuckin berga or someone

LovelyEvening: Can I add my girlfriend? I don’t think it’s my place to state her gender or sexuality, but I feel like she’d fit in here.

gay cat man: yeah sure lil sis!!!! bring her in

**LovelyEvening** has added **lionness (roar)** to the group

lionness (roar): oh cool this is the thing you were talking about. thanks eve

LovelyEvening: You’re welcome, Lua! Also, your username changed again.

lionness (roar): oh that? that’s what ladd’s been calling me lol last week it was “blonde devil” and before that it was “homewrecker”

LovelyEvening: It’s nice that you two can still be friends.

**WorldisMine** has added **ReadingPoe** to the group

gay cat man: oh hey what a coincidence, another gandor

gay cat man: what’s yr gender/sexuality

ReadingPoe: Is... is that important?

gay cat man: yea this is the gay chat for gay comrades

ReadingPoe: Uh. Well, I am gay, so I suppose I count?

gay cat man: well goddamn

gay cat man: gotta get my gaydar fixed

ReadingPoe: I could say the same about you. For all the bravado you put on, no one would ever guess.

gay cat man: yeah most ppl dont know i have a vagina either cause i like to keep that a secret

LovelyEvening: Dallas!

gay cat man: what? everything in here is confidential. i’m not gonna say anything

ReadingPoe: I won’t say anything either. My brothers -- well, besides Felix -- they don’t know I’m gay, and I’d rather keep it that way.

gay cat man: understandable

Wordless: I wouldn’t tell even if I could.

WorldisMine: chane you’re so fucking brave and dressed in black i love you

BombFreak: an eventful start already lmfao

Thing 1: Wow Dallas, I can’t believe you’d be so brave to come out like that!

Thing 2: So brave!

Thing 1: We’re very proud of you!

gay cat man: lol u guys are weird af but ur great keep up the good work <3


End file.
